Wedge brought us back to verse, my favorite portion of this great thread, and since I don't think the subject of verse will last much longer this time, I must premiere this original piece.I will contribute to the sentence as soon as I think of something good...
A MOLE OF DISTINCTION
Deep in a forest called Rosemary Wood
There's a hole in the ground by a tree;
It seems like a hole that is normal and good,
The kind that you usually see.
But it happens, by chance, that this certain hole
(That's dug in the ground by the tree)
Is the home of a rather extraordin'ry mole
Who'd amaze you, were you to know he.
He comes from a land due east of Earth's center
(For he wasn't quite born in Rosemary Wood)
In a nation called Moleday, where he and a mentor
Were studying magick and charms (for use good).
One day, the mentor, whose name is Forgotten,
Was telling our hero, whose name is Unknown,
"You know, Unknown, that my sister is rotten,
A horrible lass, always talking the phone--"
When sudd'nly a monster, whose name was Unlisted,
Came burbling behind them. With very brute force
He took a clean swipe at Forgotten and misseded,
Just barely, but came back again to its course.
And this time he struck; with the mentor's bad luck
His head was quite loosed from his neck.
Its mission accomplished, the monster did duck
And returned to its high-rising deck.
And as for Unknown, he had the great mess
To clean up the head of Forgotten
Unlisted had severed away from its dress;
But the mole had some magickal knowledge he'd gotten.
With a whip of his hand and a smidgen of sand
He souped up an adhesive potion;
He re'ttached the head of Forgotten, quite grand,
With the mentor quite pleased at the notion.
But, Alas! he'd need rest (he was still so distressed)
So Unknown remarked soon to his teacher,
"I will fly to its hideout on Unlisted's Crest
And remember, Forgotten, to sever his speecher!"
"He might know how to connect it himself,"
Said Forgotten to Unkown, his pupil,
"So be sure to collect ev'ry herb from his shelf,
Ev'ry plant, ev'ry book from his stoople."
"Aye," said the student, "But how'd he perform it
If he were dead, without life, without face?"
"You make a good point," said the teach, "But conform it,
And take ev'ry plant, ev'ry tome, just in case."
With a courteous bow of his furious brow,
Unknown leapt away from the lab
And, not quite knowing how, soared up like a plow,
Up to Unlisted's home in the slab.
When he got there at night he had fright and delight
For at last, with aghast, he had seen
The monster's great chamber, horrible sight,
With the bones of twelve men, all ate clean.
The dragon, asleep, couldn't see the mole creep,
So Unknown sneaked up closely and still,
When all of a sudden, bellowing deep,
Unlisted awakened to kill!
With fury and fire its jaws opened wide
And sped shut with a frumious snap.
But luck'ly Unknown, using charm and a chide,
Dodged out of the way with a clap.
This turn it was time for the mole to attack
And he decided a sneeze would suit well,
So he pulled out a rose with his nose and yelled "Klack!"
And the dragon sneezed loudly and fell!
Wasting no time Unknown pulled out chives
And with magick he summoned a sword
That had been passed down through his relative's lives
Begun by a fabulous lord.
With dagger in paw, o'ertaken by awe,
The mole quickly sliced the beast's throat.
Its neck split in two, its powerful jaw
Let out no more gaspings or gloat.
To take the head back the mole turned aloft
But the sight made his heartbeats displace:
Instead of a gap where the head was cut off-ed,
Another head grew in its place!
Deciding, quite rightly, the task was too much,
The mole scampered back to his nation;
And the monster then gave its new head a touch
And hummed in great self-admiration.
Back down in Moleday, Unknown and his mentor
Sought advice from their gracious old king
(Though he was known to be somewhat off-center),
Asking him "What should we do 'bout this thing?"
"Some time ago," remarked the good ruler,
"My grandfather's sister's small niece,
So smart that no monster around her could fool 'er,
Possessed a great golden-sewn fleece..."
"No, that was Jason," the mole said, "try again--"
"Oh yes," said the king, "Well now I remember
That it was a Magickal Marmalade Wren
Who saved us that frightful September!"
This was good news! The king said, "You shall find her
In the backyard of your place, Forgotten!
Just be very sure not to sneak up behind her,
She really will think that is rotten."
The mole and the mentor, their faith reassured,
Went off to search Forgotten's grounds,
Hoping to find the good wren and be cured
From the monster and his savage rounds.
In seconds three they found the tree
And in seconds ten found the wren.
Quite caref'lly they went round to the front of she,
Rememb'ring the old king's advice from back then.
Quite soon the wren (whose name's Unrevealed)
Was telling her tale to the two,
The tale of her wonderful Butter-Spoon shield,
The moles list'ning still as a statue.
"'T's been queet a lone time," Unrevealéd began,
"Sence I last spake a ward 'boot moi shield,
But remaymbr it shoorely oi'm shoore that I can...
So aun with the tale!" thus spake Unrevealed.
"Seems me it happed, o, lone eight year agoo
Whayn I toke that Butter-Spone shield fur moi own;
You'll foind it in Church, its stuck aun with glue
Aun side the greet bell that reens 'Doan!'"
So off to the chapel the two moles leapt,
Waving thanks and good-byes to the wren,
And went to the room where the bell was kept.
The Butter-Spoon shield would triumph again!
Inside the church they discovered the shield
Bell-glued, just as they were told.
In rapture they squealed as over they keeled;
Now they'd slay that vile monster of old!
To his cliffside they spanned with shield in hand,
To his lair they soared up and again--
His death they'd demand in a fight they'd command--
The scourge of every Moledayan.
They went there in anger, enraged they arrived,
Preparéd to slay the foul foe!
Their weapon was set, their game plan contrived
As the mentor called, "Ready, set, go!"
With the force of one thousand and three hundred moles,
With a skill that was ages past his,
Unknown charged Unlisted with umpteen lost souls--
But the beast said, "D'you note what the time is?"
Sudd'nly Unknown glanced down at his watch
(And I can't e'en describe you his shock).
In the midst of the battle and all that hotchpotch,
Precisely it was four o'clock!
"Tea time!" the monster and moles chimed together.
They sat down at the table and fed,
And the Butter-Spoon shield (turned out to be leather)
Spread butter quite nicely on bread.
With that, the first tea time between the two foes,
The moles became friends of Unlisted,
And decades of anguish asnd worry and woes
Were over and done and dismisseded!
These days the dragon, who once terrorized,
Has become Moleday's best Social Worker;
A citizen worthy, no longer despised,
No more a monster, no more a lurker.
The mentor is now a professor at Yale,
Though his name is always forgotten,
And spends his time teaching 'bout digging and kale
When he's not at his home down in Groton.
And today our great hero lives home with his wife,
And her name's Not Published, you know.
But he still tells great tales of his fantastic life,
Of his battle days long, long ago.
James
