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Just for fun: One of those stories where everyone writes one sentence each (Page 2)
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Topic: Just for fun: One of those stories where everyone writes one sentence each
Al
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Thomas Newman, who stated, "I do not wear boxers in the rain. I do not wear briefs on a train. I wear neither of these, I do decree. In fact, I'm wearing nothing- don't you see?"The crowd gasped and...
posted 11-19-2000 10:41 AM PT (US) Jeron
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...the sound of a Jetson's Car became evidently clear. It seemed to be growing nearer and nearer. In a flash, suprising to all, Jerry Goldsmith zipped on in. "Thomas Newman! My dear son... put some clothes on... hmmm, yes, a Nun!" With the wave of Chris Young's magic wand (how'd HE get a hold of that?!), Jerry Goldsmith cast a spell and all of a sudden, Thomas Newman became a Sister Act!On that note (no pun intended), the earth began to shake. The stars began to fall. The sky turned bright green and the moon disappeared. It appeared that...
posted 11-19-2000 11:08 AM PT (US) Kevin
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...something was happenning. Suddenly there was a FLASH of bright light, and standing before all of them was...Erich Wolfgang Korngold. In the flesh. And as his side, sporting a full head of hair, was a young John Williams. Only 2 feet tall. Wearing butler's uniform with a diaper on the outside.
posted 11-19-2000 02:05 PM PT (US) Greg Bryant
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To which the Directors replied "we've got to do something about those iron-clad contracts George Lucas has for everyone who works for him. I mean, requiring John Williams to wear a butler's uniform? What will Lucas require in his next contract?" To which Danny Elfman, (who had never worked for Lucas, but had worked a lot for Tim Burton) replied...
posted 11-19-2000 02:31 PM PT (US) Richard
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"Well for John boy's sake, I sure do hope it's not skin tight vinyl and a whip"
posted 11-19-2000 04:25 PM PT (US) Timmer
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...when suddenly appearing from nowhere as if on a MISSION IMPROBBABLE were 5 HAN'S ZIMMER'S all wearing skin tight vinyl and brandishing whip's!...as one the Zimmer's said...
posted 11-19-2000 05:33 PM PT (US) Marian Schedenig
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..."What's wrong with skin tight vinyl and a whip? Never heard of Contemporary Clothing Sensibilities (CCS)?"
posted 11-19-2000 06:04 PM PT (US) AaronR1074
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..."FOR YEARS I'VE PUT UP WITH IT. PEOPLE THINKING THAT I HAVE NO CREATIVITY. THAT MY MUSIC IS PURE NOISE. THAT IT ALL SOUNDS THE SAME. WELL IT IS TIME TO END THIS. ALL OF YOU COMPOSERS SHALL DIE IN A HORRIBLE PIT OF TORMENT WHILE MY OTHER FOUR CLONES HOLD THESE INNOCENT CIVILIAN HOSTAGE!"...And as I watched in horror while the Zimmer clones surrounded me while snapping their whips, the real one (the one who was speaking) made a simple gesture with his fingers. And so it was that the top of the volcanoe collapsed, trapping us all within.
posted 11-19-2000 06:06 PM PT (US) Richard
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I HAD to find the yellow metal box with important data in it. Who know, it might just come in handy, and most probably, conveniently will.[Message edited by Richard on 11-19-2000]
posted 11-19-2000 08:19 PM PT (US) JJH
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--strange voiceover, a la TRL--
unbeknownst to anyone in the immediate vicinty was the fact that The Directors had, in fact, escaped in a ship not unlike the one seen in Flight of the Navigator. They had escaped with the tiny yellow box which contained important data.As the ship hurtled towards it's destination, The Directors (Stephen Spielberg, Joe Dante, Joel Schumacher, and the Coens all in cohoots with Pierce Brosnan and Elizabeth) opened the tiny yellow box, which contained the super secret...
posted 11-19-2000 08:28 PM PT (US) Chris Kinsinger
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..."BTPOTA"!WHAT?
THAT'S the "Super Secret"?
Joel was finally able to decode the secret. "It means, Beneath The Planet Of The Apes!"
"What?" the other Directors asked?
"That red button over there! We must PUSH IT!", Joel was screeching with conviction. He leaped over the others and pressed his hand upon the red button.
The earth began to quake.
Before the lights went out, Joel pictured himself shaking hands with Charlton Heston...The Earth Explodes...
[Message edited by Chris Kinsinger on 11-19-2000]
posted 11-19-2000 08:42 PM PT (US) Jeron
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It was the Omega 13! "Hey, didn't the use one of these in Galaxy Quest, Joel?" said Spielberg. Schumacher and Coen both turned and said simultaneously "Who you talkin' to?" Brosnan interrupted, "Yes, it was the same. But if you'll examine the device more carefully, you will see that it isn't an 'Omega 13." It's an 'Omega 14!'"Elizabeth gasped. Spielberg nearly wet his pants. Dante was laughing uncontrollably. The Omega 14 could only mean one thing...
posted 11-19-2000 08:44 PM PT (US) Chris Kinsinger
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...PeterK has designed the only bomb that will destroy THIS THREAD! posted 11-19-2000 08:47 PM PT (US) Jeron
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Ummm... Kinsinger's post wasn't there a minute ago! D'oh! I like mine better...
posted 11-19-2000 08:47 PM PT (US) Jeron
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Chris! Are you trying to ruin our party or what, man?
This was on its way to becoming a novel. Possibly competition for "? for PK...", but I suppose the dream is now lost.
posted 11-19-2000 08:50 PM PT (US) JJH
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back to the story...As the intrepid directors leave behind a world that exploded in a fashion not unlike that of Alderaan, they come upon a planet full of mystic...
[Message edited by JJH on 11-19-2000]
posted 11-19-2000 08:53 PM PT (US) Kevin
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beings that look not unlike humanoids but have three distinct differences:Their James Horner writes original music.
Ishtar is the biggest movie ever.
Their leader is......
Jar Jar Binks' brother - Jethro Bodine Binks, who is actually....
George Lucas' illegitimate father!
posted 11-19-2000 09:26 PM PT (US) Chris Kinsinger
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Jeron!Did Beneath The Planet Of The Apes STOP that film series?
OF COURSE NOT!
Nobody was ever able to KILL the Frankenstein Monster, The Mummy, The Wolfman, Dracula...OR THIS THREAD!
posted 11-19-2000 09:36 PM PT (US) Observer
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[Back to the story...]
...Jethro Binks is George Lucas' illegitimate father...Everyone gasps.
"Yes, it is true." Jethro Binks said.
Then George Lucas saunters onto the scene, looking very bored. He clears his thoat.
"No. It's not true." He blandly recites. "You cannont be my father...blah, blah, blah. Come on folks, you saw this coming a mile away." Lucas then exits.
"I just don't see the resemblance." Spielberg commments. posted 11-19-2000 10:57 PM PT (US) Richard
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"Oh yeah? Well I don't see the resembelence between a real shark and the shark you used in Jaws" comments JerthoStanding in a state of thought for several minutes, Spielberg calmly replies...
posted 11-20-2000 12:52 AM PT (US) Timmer
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..."is it just me or does anyone else hear strange voices...who are Chris Kinsinger and Jeron"?...."don't change the subject" said Lucas "you gonna let Jethro continue to diss jaws"?! Spielberg unscrews the top of his head and...
posted 11-20-2000 04:38 AM PT (US) Greg Bryant
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Underneath is none other than Erich Wolfgang Korngold, (whom we had left standing ignored many posts ago) favorite Golden Age composer of Steven Spielberg, who had been miraculously reincarnated as Steven Spielberg (only with a screw top head to reveal his true identity). Korngold approached the Directors and pointing to Jethro Bodine Binks, said...
posted 11-20-2000 06:24 AM PT (US) John Dunham
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"this creature is evil. If you let it continue to exist, no one can say what horrors will befall us!"
Lucas looked very nervous. "Nooo, you must be wrong..." he said. "Besides, how can there be TWO Spielbergs? I submit that you are an imposter!"
posted 11-20-2000 06:48 AM PT (US) JJH
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...to which the real Spielberg replied:"how the hell did you get on this ship anyway?"
posted 11-20-2000 07:21 AM PT (US) Jeron
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The imposter explained, "As the ship took off, I was transported aboard the cargo deck using a still-functional device I found in a sound stage at the Paramount Studio lot. You'll find that this ship won't be getting very far. I was sent by Elfman to sabotage your plans. Although the Earth is no longer existant, those that you left behind managed to escape and are now on their way to a new home, called "Planet Bob." In a matter of minutes, the hull of this ship will begin to be eaten away by metal eating spiders attracted by the heat of your engines. Don't worry - if you turn them off, they'll detect the heat of your bodies. There's only one way to stop them... too bad I won't tell you! Mwahahahahaha! I bid you farewell!"In that instant, the imposter's eyes rolled into the back of its head. His body then fell to the floor and disintegrated.
Lucas: "Oh no! What are we going to do??"....
posted 11-20-2000 07:36 AM PT (US) Greg Bryant
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(Jeez, excellent storyline plot usurped by another post)Elfman, who had been standing in the background quietly, suddenly began to noisily quiver. His body stretched and morphed to transform into none other than Tim Burton. He cried, "Evil Korngold/Spielberg imposter, your metal eating spider/Lost in Space rip-off ideas are no match for my digitally designed visions of darkness! I will create out of computer electron nothingness dark creatures guided by my techno-art brilliance that will defeat your metal eating spiders. All I have to do is say the words..."
[Message edited by Greg Bryant on 11-20-2000]
posted 11-20-2000 07:39 AM PT (US) Al
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Klaatu...[Message edited by Al on 11-20-2000]
posted 11-20-2000 07:46 AM PT (US) Greg Bryant
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...Oingo Boingo...[Message edited by Greg Bryant on 11-20-2000]
posted 11-20-2000 07:49 AM PT (US) JJH
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...to which the monster replied:"well, which is it, dammit? You'll pardon me if I laugh. I don't have time for magicians who don't know their own spells. Excuse me while I take..."
posted 11-20-2000 10:45 AM PT (US) Camillu
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...Rachel Portman out to dinner. I've heard of this great fruit bar called the Cider House which according to Rachel really rules.
posted 11-20-2000 11:13 AM PT (US) John Dunham
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Legend has it Bagger Vance like it, as do most people who are Addicted To Love, but they're just Used People. The Joy Luck Club meets there on wednesdays because it's on The Road To Wellville. The Closer You Get, the more Beloved the place is, but Only You can decide whether it's a place Where Angels Fear To Tread. I'd recommend stopping by, and bring your Friends when Life Is Sweet.(Did I take this too far? Oh, well.
) posted 11-20-2000 11:31 AM PT (US) Marian Schedenig
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After a silent, distant roar, which nobody seemed to notice, Lucas whispered to Spielberg: "Isn't Max Steiner your favorite Golden Age composer? I believe you said so in the liner notes to the Amistad score album."
posted 11-20-2000 11:47 AM PT (US) Camillu
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To which Steven replied - "Liner notes? What in the name of Richard Dreyfuss are liner notes?"
[btw - way to go John
] posted 11-20-2000 11:52 AM PT (US) Kevin
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Lucas says "you know, Liner Notes! The pieces of paper you use to line the birdcage or the cat's litterbox? Like I did with the script to Phantom Menace? I mean, you put stuff where it belongs."As Spielberg absorbs this information, there is a scream from behind him....
posted 11-20-2000 12:53 PM PT (US) Greg Bryant
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as the first of the metal eating spiders released from the Korngold/Spielberg imposter attacks James Horner and Hans Zimmer. Yet, they avoid Jerry Goldsmith, John Williams (still, strangely wearing his butler's outfit) and Danny Elfman."Good biscuits and gravy" yells Pierce Brosnan, "where's my...
[Message edited by Greg Bryant on 11-20-2000]
posted 11-20-2000 01:20 PM PT (US) JJH
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"....box of tampons!? oh right, spiders..." posted 11-20-2000 01:52 PM PT (US) AaronR1074
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At that point Mr. Zimmer tears off his clothes in order to use his thermoptic camoflauge (fans of Ghost in the Shell are familiar with this maneuver). As he dissapears, all the spiders start heading for Horner...
posted 11-20-2000 02:15 PM PT (US) Joey168943
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's bootleg record store. He had copies of "Bladerunner" and "Planet of the Apes" "special editions" thta$50?!! the spiders exclaimed.
posted 11-20-2000 02:22 PM PT (US) Marian Schedenig
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During all this mayhem, nobody notices a second roar, this time a bit louder and less distant.
posted 11-20-2000 02:34 PM PT (US) H Rocco
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it is, of course, akira ifukube, practicing the contrabass with which he created the roar of godzilla, as he waits in line for a taxi back to the airport. he is keeping a very close eye on his briefcase, because he´s afraid it will be stolen as it was that time he visited new york city ... but is it because his passport is inside -- or something else ...
posted 11-20-2000 04:24 PM PT (US) Old Infopop Software by UBB